Welcome to the Garden °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

Stumbling down this rabbit hole is an array of fun facts and pictures of my dog. If you like things short and sweet, then I’ll keep it simple: here you’ll find original poetry, essays, short stories, and sfw ASMR, diving into and array of themes including but not limited to sapphic yearning, heartbreak, spiritual and emotional healing, horror, fantasy, and erotica. Content warnings for my work include: c-ptsd, sexual trauma, alcoholism, domestic violence, pregnancy/miscarriage, and self-harm. To access the full archive, start reading here. If you want to know a bit more, read on.

AT-A-GLANCE

• My name is Alya, but you may also hear me called Claudia or Lyru. We were diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder in 2024, nymphomania in 2022, and chronic depression in 2011.

• I am a 33 years old queer, specifically pansexual, Filipino-German-American human (she/her) living in the Blue Ridge Mountains with my partner, dog, four cats, and two parrots.

• My corporate job titles are Editor-in-Chief and Associate Director of Marketing, and I’ve been with my company for nine years.

• I received my Bachelor’s degree in English, Creative Writing & Editing from VCU.

• I am a licensed Reiki Master Teacher and Death Doula.

• My published works include:

  • Go to Sleep Little Baby. Virginia Commonwealth University Press, 2011.

  • Muñeca. The Sacred Feminine Volume II: An Open Skies Collection. 2022

  • Inequivalent Exchange. The Sacred Feminine Volume II: An Open Skies Collection. 2022

  • Parched. The Sacred Feminine Volume II: An Open Skies Collection. 2022

  • Miscarried. Descendants of Medusa. Nymeria Publishing. 2022.

  • The Secrets My Skirts Keep. Self-Published. 2024.

  • I Take My Grief to Lunch. Shadow Work Volume 2: Tarot. Grey Coven Publishing. 2025.

  • Unblessing. Shadow Work Volume 2: Tarot. Grey Coven Publishing. 2025.

• I love video games, graphic novels, manga, and anime.

• I spend an obscene amount of time outdoors, hiking, and traveling.

• One of my dreams is to visit all US National Parks. So far I’ve been to the:

  • Guadalupe Mountains

  • Shenandoah Valley

  • New River Gorge

  • Redwood Forest

  • Grand Canyon

• On Substack, I share poetry, personal essays, and short stories for free subscribers. Paid subscribers receive access to editorial services, exclusive content (including ASMR), and early access to my works-in-progress. More details are below!

THE WORD VOMIT

I’ve been writing since I could hold a crayon, scribbling musings on the planks of my parents’ bed frame. I took my talents to the streets, and in 2015, I received my Bachelor’s degree in English, creative writing, and editing. My works have been published anonymously and under different pen names since the 90s, and I have been sharing my work on and off since 2010.

This place I have carved out is a rebellion. A documentation rivaling all the times I was told to “keep a secret” or “bite my tongue.”

This is a place where I bite back.

I no longer bite the insides of my cheeks to suck in the things no one wants to hear. I’m spilling all my secrets, and my hope is you’ll see me. Truly see me, and not just taste the unruly honey dripping from a cracked beehive. No. I want you to see how whispering a secret to the trees can turn a breeze into a thunderstorm.

My name is Alya, and I’m so happy you’re here (´ ω `♡)

Now, introducing only one of us is a bit unfair, but I also don’t want to confuse you. If you haven’t heard, I was diagnosed with my brand of neurodivergence in 2024, a mental health condition known as Dissociative Identity Disorder. By which I mean, my mind is a field of flowers.

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is a complex psychological condition characterized by the presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states within a single individual. (I call mine Stellas!) These identities may have their own unique behaviors, memories, and ways of perceiving the world.

DID is developed as a coping mechanism in response to severe trauma, often during childhood. The condition allows the mind to compartmentalize traumatic experiences, with different identities taking on roles to handle certain emotions or situations. You can learn about my experience with Dissociative Identity Disorder by reading my essay The Mind Field: Our Dissociative Identity Disorder.

When I was diagnosed, I was cynical. Isolation was my only option, or so I thought. No matter what lengths I took, I still found myself aching for connection and understanding. During my introspection, I grew into this knowledge of myself with patience, love, and empathy, allowing my identity(ies) to finally breathe and flourish. Self-care in our world looks a little different, catering to up to eight different voices at any given time drains energy rapidly. The effort invested into maintaining a system with multiple distinct identities is exhausting.

Despite the difficulties of everyday life, dissociation saved me. Growing up, I made several attempts to unalive myself. Still, I survived. Without my brain’s unique ability to separate from traumatic events through dissociation, I may not have lived to share my story today. When we were 20, Claudia had a comma tattoo added to our left wrist. There were countless times when our story should have ended, moments when the world swallowed us whole and there was no indication of regurgitation. But parts of me still want to keep telling our story.

So we endure.

As of March 14, 2025, we are aware of eight Stellas, or identities. Of our headmates, only three appear on social media (Claudia, Alya, and Lyru). We will do a detailed post explaining the intricacies of each of our presenting and willing Stellas with limited information on the ones who don’t wish to play, but for now, here is a breakdown to help you visualize our Stellas.

• Alya—The Host

• Claudia—The Poet

• Lyru—The Otaku

• The Coquette

• The Weirdo

• The Little

• The Enforcer

• The Judge

Now that we’ve eaten a decent amount of your time, I want to thank you for sticking through this read. I’d like to invite you to sit around our campfire for a while. Sometimes we get carried away by the wind, but we promise a good time.

Free Subscriber Perks

• unhinged poetry

• existential non-fiction and arguments with God

• slice of life essays

• flash fiction

• pictures of our dog

Paid Subscriber Perks

We also offer a paid subscription for anyone interested in supporting our work! Paid subscribers receive the following monthly benefits:

• Editorial services on short and long-form works

  • With over ten years of writing and editing experience, I love collaborating on pieces of work to allow them to take up the space they deserve. Let’s get deep!

  • Feedback will be conducted through email within the month with a timeline discussed once you’ve sent your work.

  • Currently, I don’t limit the number of pieces you submit for editorial services, but this could change in the future if a cap becomes necessary.

• Access to Paid Subscriber Only posts (ASMR, novel WIPs, erotica)

  • For readers interested in more stimulating content! I’m currently working on non-sexual ASMR content, a fantasy novel, a romance novel, and several chapbooks.

  • ASMR material will include guided relaxation, SFW roleplay, and topic-specific content (including but not limited to: reiki, praise, grounding, sleep, etc.)

Other Ways to Support Us

• Purchase a copy of The Secrets My Skirts Keep

• Follow me on Twitch

We look forward to getting vulnerable with y’all! Subscribe to get full access to our newsletter and publication archives.

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