April as a Pen Pal
Escapril Round Up, May Schemes, Project & System Updates
Rain-soaked gravel met my soles at dawn, asking, “Where has the time gone?” I tell her April has swallowed the Earth. Spring writes love letters in April’s weeks, sings like May might never come. Wet, supple dewdrops drip from buttercups and blue skies, and all the while, I’m sitting cross-legged, pushing tears back into my eyes. Hear me, Spring, eat me alive.
April As A Pen Pal, 2025. by claudia jean.
written on a whim. substack collection.
Hello, my sweet daffodils!
I took a few days off after the month-long adventure of #Escapril. Okay, I took a week off. But to be fair!!! Claudia isn’t used to being so extroverted on social media for long periods of time, so we’ve needed a break to come back to center. Our Stella System is still calibrating, but the decompression time has been wonderful.
In any case, thank you so much for all the love you gave my poetry in April! Y’all’s support, comments, and feedback have kept my creative spirits soaring, and I am so grateful. But now that Escapril is over, what’s next?!
Looking forward
First, I’ll do a quick little Escapril Round Up! If you missed it, not only was I posting daily poetry, I was using prompts from various poets and seeing whose prompts inspired me the most. You can quickly jump to that section here.
May Plans! With National Poetry Month behind us, I have new things in mind for this month. There will, of course, always be poetry. However, I’ll be posting installments of a new erotic short story I’m working on called The Giving. The elevator pitch: Their connection is instant—an unspoken, electric pull that defies reason, igniting a reckless obsession neither can resist. In stolen moments and fleeting encounters, their attraction teeters between exhilaration and destruction, each story unraveling the intoxicating dance of desire, risk, and surrender.
More updates on Life with DID. If you’re here for Pike, don’t worry, I’ll feature more of him, too!
Jump to OPEN MICS! For those who aren’t familiar because social media isn’t real, two of my stellas are nonverbal. At various points throughout the day when either of those stellas is fronting, I am unable to use speech to express myself. More on that another time. Because of this, speaking in front of others in meetings, public forums, on the phone, or just in general verbal conversation can become agitating or stressful for me. Despite this, I have been participating in open mics to work through it!
Anyway, that’s what you’ll find in today’s post. I’ll be back to sending you poetry every other day again. I’ll have a schedule for The Giving short story this week. If you want, you can choose the next poem I post!
Okay, let’s get to it!
Escapril Superlatives
Born from a morning free write, this piece posits silence as a form of death. Whether we bury it ourselves or leave it out to rot, the empty left behind echoes in parallel. What lives between two people who refuse to acknowledge one another again? Does a silent death even the score?
SILENCE MIMICS DEATH
by claudia jean
I've been condemned to a fate worse than death: never speaking to you again. Silence sits between us like an old coin. Rusted, nearly unrecognizable. Flip it, and you’d get the same answer on both sides: do you mind? not at this time. We let it linger. Like a dead thing, it begins to decompose. We are both too proud, so we leave it. Allow ourselves to become nose blind to the rot riffing between us, I would reach out if I didn’t fear I’d be met back with my worst nightmare: a greater distance, a louder silence. For wasn’t it tragedy that first birthed the quiet? An innocent apple stuffing an ignorant mouth. If I knew the sweet syruped fruit would end us, could I have resisted the first bite?
Sometimes, there is just the air between your body and the next thing. This poem received the most likes, even though it didn’t get the most views. How interesting!
QUIET COUPLETS
Fox screaming in the night;
Never louder than the appetite
My voice climbs up a rotted throat;
wilts before drinking the antidote
I am large, somehow too whole. you can only
swallow me piece by piece, slowly
I learnt a confessional stomach can’t hold
enough to save, can't spin hate into gold
I Spill and spill, recoloring dusk until
I am someone else and even still
I find myself writhing. Is this grief
Or is this sacrifice?
I can still feel hot breath taking control of the breeze.
How dare they say it's my fault to me. To me?!
I am not afraid, so I say.
This is not enough deep to drown, so I say.
I'll never again look like the girl they once knew.
And isn't that so tragically beautiful?
Lips stitched shut unravel into my chin.
They ask, “what happened?” but where do I even begin?
My voice climbs up a tinder throat
silenced again by a locked anecdote
Foxes still scream that name through the trees.
Or is that just me?
MOST USED POET’S PROMPTS
It looks like it was a tie between Kaitlyn Sun // sad.magical.girl and
! I am obsessed with both of these poets, so it’s no wonder they gave me the most inspiration.Kaitlyn Sun is a Chinese-Australian poet who has a talent for reaching inside your core and pulling out the things you want to say most. Her poetry is gripping and her prompts are insightful. She uses vocabulary that makes your head spin, and metaphors that are refreshing yet still familiar.
is the author of mortal atlas & Where the Beetle Went for Lunch. Her art of building visual worlds with her words is second to none. Every time I read a poem by Sonja, I am changed. She weaves the beauty of our raw, wild world into the absurdity and mundanity of society while elevating the unique perspective of both.
POEM WITH THE MOST PROMPTS
I wrote several poems with six prompts in them, but only this one had seven! Turns out the first one had the most inspired lines.
GOD LOVED ME IN A ROY ROGER’S PARKING LOT
Thrice atop tomorrow.
Twice just yesterday.
We are peach pit raw
with wanting,
and sculpted from clay.
Charmed pink and tapping,
nervous feet dancing,
trust falling
around God's maypole.
A table for two becomes a battleground,
wet and winded where my caved throat houses Thy name.
God loves me
I know
because he told me
to get on my knees and beg,
pray for forgiveness
then hang my head
off the rusting truck bed.
All the words God didn't say paint the clearest picture.
Oh, how religion propels one to stay.
I suck a plumb
from the Garden of Eden
off God's thumb
& thank him for the treat.
I am all the things God once loved
written in honey mustard
on a Roy Roger's receipt.
Palette & Poetry Open Mic Night
If you are in or around Philadelphia, I’ll be reading poetry at Palette & Poetry’s Second Saturday Open Mic Night this weekend! Tickets are on sale now, and you can use code luvpoetry to get a discount.
D.I.D Glossary
Hi! We have Dissociative Identity Disorder. If you read this post and aren’t familiar with some of the terms or experiences I yap about, don’t fret! Here is a non-comprehensive list of subject knowledge and vocabulary related to DID to help.
Dissociative Identity Disorder or DID is a mental condition characterized by the presence of two or more distinct personality states or alters that take control of an individual's behavior.
Host may also be referenced as the body or physical person with DID.
Alters is the term used to reference the distinct personalities or parts of a person with DID. However, I refer to my alters as STELLAS.
Fronting refers to the alter/stella that is currently managing the mind and body.
Switch or switching refers to process in which a host moves from one alter to another.
System refers to all alters/stellas present in a host.
As always, thank you for being here!
The days are long, and also too short. I am always spiraling. The world often looks better with my eyes closed; but having this community has helped me feel whole.
Until next time, sweet loves!
it was such a joy to read your poetry for escapril [& always!!]
i'm so happy you found inspiration in my prompts. and what you wrote about me was so kind gahhh!!
https://open.substack.com/pub/alkatp/p/the-hanged-man-poetry?r=5jq1a3&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web